The Dress
The reception invitations are out now, and once the US contingency get theirs, I can confirm the date. Until then, I can give you a taster of something else.
A week ago I was talking to someone and they asked me “Do you have The Dress?”
Ooooooh, The Dress. Big question here, did I have The Dress?
I bought a gorgeous, floaty number in a shockingly good sale post-Christmas. I thought it was beautiful. I felt feminine in it. But after reflecting, I wondered if it was right – we’re having a simple ceremony in a place very nearby that is licensed for weddings. It’s just for family, and there’s a party afterwards. Would a daytime, family-only summer wedding really ask for that kind of dress?
I pondered.
I enquired to my lady with the headset and clipboard.
I asked my stepmom.
I talked to Alastair.
I came up with my own response.
Wait, what was that? I spoke to the would-be groom? I did indeed. I even showed him the dress. We’re going about this different to most, I think. Both having been divorced (one of us – no names – twice!) and both of us having been together a long time and weathered a most voracious storm, we came to a realization early on: we wanted a marriage, not a wedding. So while it’s a celebration, it’s also something a little more real. Alastair is the one person I ask about big clothing ideas, so it seems right that he has a say here.
The Dress was not in my possession yet.
I have some stock photos that I nicked from the web, to show you.
This is The Dress, or at least The Would Have Been Dress:
(That’s not me, that’s a mannequin. You might have guessed that from the divided shoulder joints.)
The Would Have Been Dress has a sparkly cleavage that I love.
Sparkly! How fabulous! What’s not to love?
Only…it felt strange, having a long floaty dress to a daytime summer wedding.
So I debated.
I searched.
I found alternates.
I found this one:
Actually, that’s not true. I already had that one. I bought it ages ago in a sale fully convinced I was going to get married in it. Then we busted up and I lost a fucking shedload of weight, so the dress that I have no longer fits (along with most of my wardrobe) and is making its way onto ebay.
I found another dress that I loved.
Summer-y. Flirty. Fun. Built in corset, so I could eat like a horse at the reception. Only once it arrived, the “brand new” dress I was promised turned out to have been worn and came with a raging smell of cigarettes and a coffee stain. A battle, a refund, and a dry cleaning bill later and I love the dress but feel the battle has somehow tarnished it. Which doesn’t mean I’m not keeping it, because I really love it (and a corset = tiny little waist, and that’s not something I’ve ever really had as my family members and their “where the hell’s your waist?” comments will testify). It just means that I am not wearing it as The Dress.
I found another lovely dress, one that I thought would work. A bit of lace, a bit of color.
Gorgeous dress, but again not right.
And then last week I stumbled on The Dress, quite by accident. It’s a designer dress but had been discontinued, and I managed to get my hands on one. When I saw it, I knew I had to have it (I knew the way you know about a good melon.) I got it. It is so not my usual style it’s unreal.
It’s pink. Pale pink, with dark blue embroidery and a dark blue sash. It comes to the knees and is sleeveless. I’ll share more details later, but for now I just wanted to share that I have The Dress. I even tried it on and showed it to Alastair, who agreed that it is The Dress. I already had The Bracelet to go with the dress, and now I bought The Necklace.
It’s funny, isn’t it? When you’re a little girl you picture the white wedding with the perfect cake and the perfect white confectionary dress and the perfect first dance and the perfect honeymoon. And maybe you have that, maybe that’s a part of it. And maybe, like me, it all turned out to be built on sugar that melted in the rain. Now you look forward and you’ll have a day surrounded by family, this concept which you never had but could never live without again, and a day where the dress doesn’t sweep the floor and the invitations you did yourself and the most you can offer is a barbecue reception but that’s all you really, truly want because the white wedding is no longer important. What is important is family. Heart. And hope.
-S.
PS-it’s a day early, but I won’t be online tomorrow and I wanted to say happy birthday, Mitzi – are you here?
You have brilliant taste in dresses. I love them all, in particular the second one that doesn’t fit anymore. And the first dress is also gorgeous, but I understand that it might not feel “appropriate.”
I’m confident that The Dress you ultimately chose is going to be gorgeous on you, and you will be a blushing bride in a blushing pink dress. I can’t wait to see it on you in the photos.
Most of all, I am so excited for your wedding – and you’re right – it’s the day that your MARRIAGE starts. So many people forget that part of things. The wedding is the celebration of the beginning of your MARRIAGE – not just a huge party day.
It sounds beautiful and perfect. Like you said-it is the marriage, not the wedding, that you are after.
Though I do like the party afterward. Like, like a lot.
You would look beautiful no matter which one you chose. But, I’m glad you found The Dress – the perfect one for you.
Huzzah for dresses and best wishes for your marriage :)
Lovely! Sounds perfect!
Oh and thanks for the Harry Met Sally quote…gonna have to pull that movie out now.
They are lovely, particularly The Would Have Been Dress. But you are right, you know about a dress the way you know about a melon. I wish you a beautiful wedding day, and a more wonderful marriage.
(p.s. WHMS…my favorite movie. picked up on the quote immediately!
All the dresses are just gorgeous and you’d add something more to all of them – I can’t wait to see THE DRESS, but have to say, I hope you are still getting the first one, is you, is you, IS YOU!
Hurray for finding THE DRESS! Although I do like that first one…
Indeed I am here. I seldom go a day without coming by to lurk. I feel honoured to receive your birthday wishes once again. You never forget, and that is so precious to me, as smarmy as it sounds. And I, in turn, want to wish you the very best of birthdays this year. There is no one I know more deserving!
Congratulations on finding your dress- although I like the first one, I’m sure you have the VERY best dress for YOU.
Confession-I actually have all of the dresses. And half of them are going on to ebay!
Never mind all this informal jeans-wearing casual BBQ don’t-dress-up-relax yadda yadda yadda… I get to see you wearing ONE of these dresses then, right? Right? Or just A dress? Coz otherwise, my best hat with the enormous feathers that blot out the sun is going to make me look SUCH an dick.
*Love* *LOVE* *LLLLOOOOOOVEEEE* the first dress!
Wow…the Would Have Been Dress is BEAUTIFUL!!! Can’t wait to see THE DRESS! Thanks for sharing.
Shannon, you could wear a potato sack and still look beautiful! I can’t wait to hear all the details and see the pictures. How are you dressing N & N?
I’m delighted you found a drress that’s perfect. They’re all lovely, though and I’d kill for the first dress!
Am busy having one last pang of regret for the motorway services reception that never was, except in my mis-reading head!
I could seriously have rocked out to a disco there.
So exciting! We’ve got similar taste, because I love the dresses you considered. I am glad that you did not supply purchasing info, because I don’t need to buy more clothes.
Congratulations on The Dress! And even more congratulations on The Marriage, which seems like it will be full of the love, laughter and adventure that you deserve. Good luck!
Glad you found The Dress. Can’t wait to see pics.
I like all those dresses; especially the gray one with the lacy, ruffly trim. I’m sure the one you chose is great!
Oh, I love the sparkly sequinny one… I am big on sparkly dresses. They remind me of my time in India ;)
I’m so glad you found The Dress. I’m looking forward to some photos of it, too…
Uh, so I’m going to need to know which of those dresses are going on ebay. Because if one of them is the tan/light brown one, I think we may need to a deal. I’m just saying.
As for the “appropriate” dress, blah. My best friend wore a short, sleeveless hot fuschia thing for her wedding in the dead of a Chicago winter and I wore green and gold as her bridesmaid. Apprpriate is in the eye of the beholder, dahling.
Based on your choices posted here, I know that the dress you chose is going to be perfect because these are all beautiful! And I love how you’ve expressed your thoughts on the wedding…you’re more interested in the marriage. A few people have made comments to me about our pending marriage, saying things about our choice to get married, then have a cocktail style reception, like “Well, you’ve both been married before, so…” and that really isn’t the reason we’ve decided to go this route. It’s more the same mentality about it that you’re describing – we want to get married, then celebrate it with those we care for…
Lady, I wish we were the same size. You have fabulous taste in dresses and I would stalk your ebay shop for any one of these.
It’s lovely to stop by here and find you so well and happy. Hooray for doing things your own way! That’s my plan, as well…eventually. :)
Uh, so I’m going to need to know which of those dresses are going on ebay. Because if one of them is the tan/light brown one, I think we may need to a deal. I’m just saying.
As for the “appropriate” dress, blah. My best friend wore a short, sleeveless hot fuschia thing for her wedding in the dead of a Chicago winter and I wore green and gold as her bridesmaid. Apprpriate is in the eye of the beholder, dahling.