What is Feminism?
I have been thinking a great deal about something, and so I’m posting it up on a Sunday night (dammit!), even though as I recently discovered from a well-written site (that saw me race out and buy The Little House, because I remembered it from my childhood) that there are rules about blogging that includes writing only when people are reading and Sunday night isn’t likely to be one of those nights.
The Independent on Sunday (my newspaper of choice) – in line with a BBC series coming this week – has targeted as its main story the fact that feminism has hit 100 this year, courtesy of the first summit held in Copenhagen to launch a day to draw attention to the championing of women’s rights. I read this with great interest as I used to be a feminist of the militant variety in university, campaigning for pro-choice options, for women’s rights, and eschewing makeup for the natural look because dammit I was a woman, not a doll (although I still shaved. I was a woman, not a forestry commission. Standards and all that.) One of my senior thesis was a hate-filled diatribe against men which my newly divorced professor, still smarting from being left by her husband for a younger woman, gleefully granted me an A for. And this isn’t to say that all feminists are angry and hate-filled, but I certainly was.
Fast-forward to now. Have I been a victim of discrimination? You betcha. I have been told to my face that I was paid less because I was a woman. I was sidelined from large exciting projects after giving birth because “clearly my priorities had changed”. On the launch day of one of the biggest projects I had ever run I was the recipient of not one, not two, but three sexist remarks by senior managers looking to blow a little steam off by making me the subject of their crude humor. So yes. I have seen it first-hand.
But I read the 100 year stories with great interest. I think there’s been a mellowing to me, a “there are two sides” aspect. The papers state that as a nation, the UK is backwards because only 19.5% of all MPs are women. That’s as may be, but this country had a prime minister that was a woman, that surely counts as something in the stats there (although there are some that argue that Maggie wasn’t really a woman. I call foul on that one, too.)
I was talking about this with Alastair.
“It says feminists are celebrating 100 years of working towards women’s rights,” I said, reading the paper from the comfort of the living room couch. “That’s impressive.”
“It is,” he agreed, sipping his coffee. “But then what is a feminist?”
He wasn’t being flippant. He was being honest. The idea of feminism in Westernized countries (I’m not touching forced marriage, patriarchal lineage, the illegality of women owning property, working or voting or the true horror that is female circumcision. Let’s agree that those finer points are among The Very Worst of Mankind and are not what I’m covering in this post.) has changed. What was feminism? Well, if my university memory as augmented by wikipedia would state, it was the fight for equality for women, from the legal, financial, and societal perspectives.
But feminism is a thorny branch to touch. There are arguments that it’s ethnocentric (I’d agree with that one). There are arguments that it doesn’t address violence against women. I’d argue that rape isn’t anti-feminist, it’s a crime. Yes, women are raped. So are men and I have personally known one man who was a victim himself. Neither case is acceptable in the slightest. Violence against women is horrific, as is violence full stop.
If you say you’re not a feminist then you’re perceived to be a wuss created directly from your 1980’s Snoopy slushy machine who is busy trying to determine which apron best matches the shoes you’ve laid out for your husband. You think women should stay at home and take care of things. You should vote the way your husband wants you to. You don’t matter. And yet maybe women who say they aren’t a feminist have a reason – maybe (as some feminists think) there’s nothing left to fight for, that feminism in today’s society is irrelevant. Maybe you don’t see the point. Maybe you don’t agree and are happy with more traditional/historical values.
Saying you’re a feminist can often raise red flags amongst others, as it did with one of Alastair’s former colleagues. You couldn’t say “chairman” without her screaming “It’s chairPERSON!” and other didactic comments. He told me that everyone in the office – including the women – hated her because she was less interested in working, more interested in fighting. If you say you are a feminist then you’ll find a feminist more feminist than you. “You’re a feminist? But you have been married. You have kids. You bought into the misogynist system! You womyn-hater!”
(Don’t get me started on woman/womin women/womyn. It makes me aggressive. It’s a fucking word, people. It’s a historical noun. Move on.)
It’s painful when feminists turn on each other. It’s like not only are we trying to jockey ourselves into position in culture and society, but we have a cross to bear with the other women, too:
“You wear makeup! You’re clearly living by the sword sharpened by men to make dolls of us women!”
“Oh yeah, well you have a new duvet cover that I happen to know was created from a factory run by men!”
“Oh yeah, well I am a postcolonial feminist who can’t stand Germaine Greer!”
“No one can stand Germaine Greer, you think you’re special? You caved! I’m joining the ecofeminists!”
“The what?”
That’s right, I don’t like Germaine Greer who recently said “When the cuts come, public services will shed thousands of women’s jobs first. It doesn’t make sense.” And what statistics does she use on this? Is this based on the fact that women tend to occupy the catering/marketing/communications sides of things, and in rough times those are first to go? Is that against women, or just against areas of business that are expendable when the going gets rough?
On the reverse side I don’t like the ladette culture that’s led to binge-drinking and the rise of Katie Price. Katie Price recently came under fire for taking her toddler and giving her a make-over. Brilliant – let’s give a child the idea that being attractive is important. I got some (very good) advice on this website to not have glamour mags and the like around my daughter as she grows up, and I’m doing exactly that. There is more to life than long eyelashes and the need to be pretty, as I keep telling my dad through clenched teeth when he tells my daughter that she doesn’t have to be clever because she’s pretty.
I hate the idea that feminists are crusty non-sexual man-haters, and I hate the idea that you can title something “The Funny Side of Feminism because as a feminist I like to think I am funny, dammit. But I struggle a bit with the direction that feminism has and, indeed, the direction that feminism needs today. Is it really so bad these days (again from a Western perspective)? The pay gap has lessened substantially. In the company I work for I am one of a handful of experts in our field, and I am paid very competitively – in our field experience is the key and I am the youngest. I’d bet I am paid the least, but that’s par for the course. One of my peers is a woman, and I suspect she’s paid more than I am. She should be, she’s 10 years older than I am. My maternity leave wasn’t brilliant for EU standards at only 4 months, but I got maternity leave and I had a job to return to. I can vote, own property, a car (with lower insurance than my male counterparts) and have no other impediments based on my sex. What’s left, because I like nothing more than a self-righteous fight?
I read:
“I’d just had enough. A young woman I used to work with saw a man attack a woman in the street and she felt really powerless to do anything. So we decided to march to increase our visibility and to show that there is a way forward, a shared vision of a world without violence.”
Is that a feminist issue or an issue for that young woman? Because I saw a young man roughing up a woman in the streets a few years ago, I went over and screamed at him and intervened, ruining my favorite pair of shoes in the process. It’s not about feminism, it’s about what is and what isn’t acceptable. I was empowered in that situation and so was that young woman who was receiving the brunt end of her boyfriend’s shit, only she was blighted a bit by alcohol and couldn’t recognize it for what it was. Is the question about it being ok to be attacked, or being ok about stepping in and doing something about it?
And I read:
That is certainly what the historian Lisa Jardine believes. “Britain loves to think things are slipping back, but things are systematically improving for women – it’s just that we expect more. Women’s expectations will stop being ‘realistic’ when they reach absolute parity with men. I don’t know when it will happen, but it will happen.”
Bingo. That’s what we’re on to-feminism is extant after all. But while we’re so busy shouting down about the rights of women, if we’re expecting and wanting parity – and believe me, I am – then while we’re at it paternity leave should be the same length of time as maternity leave. Mums are important, and so are dads. In Sweden the maternity/paternity leave was equal, with a focus on family, none of this bullshit that you hear of in some countries where mum and dad must return to work when the baby is 6 weeks old (I’m looking at you, my mother country. Let’s sort this one out.)
And then I read:
Twenty per cent of people still believe it is sometimes acceptable for a man to hit or slap his girlfriend if she is wearing revealing clothes in public.
Yup. We still have work to do then. There are so many things wrong with that sentence I don’t know where to begin, however one question remains: Is the twenty percent of people in that quote male or female? Because I’m willing to bet that while a lot of women are prepared to march against that very notion, there are a lot of men who’ll march along, too.
-S.
Dear Shannon, fantastic points, all. And I, for one, am very glad you posted on a Sunday…
Yes, we’ve still got a way to come.
To be honest, the current ’stop violence against women’ campaigns running here drive me a little mad. Why just women? What about men whose wives beat them? I does happen. Maybe we should be campaigning to stop spousal abuse. Stop violence against anyone.
(Posting on a Sunday, I did it too. And there’s been silence.)
Well now, I see you made some great points! I think on a whole, our society still has a long way to go but we are getting there. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever thought of myself as a feminist, though I suppose I am. I just don’t do go about parading it. I am woman, I work, raise my family, care for my husband, pay taxes and own my own property. I really do as I please within the realm of the law. Hmm.. can’t be too bad really.
Super post.
Super post.
Super post.
Sorry for multiples.
Oh gosh, I could talk about this for days. You are showing excellent restraint and summarizing skills with this post. I’ve had my angry periods too, now I’m more chill and philosophical; of the ‘you attract more bees with honey’ than spewing venom school. Still, I’m thrilled I was born 30 years ago rather than 50 years ago in regard to women’s rights. I don’t think it’s talked about or thought about as much in our generation. Things are different. One example that comes to mind for me are the summers I worked on passenger schooners in my late teens, early twenties. One season, we happened to have an all female crew, simply because all the men quit due to the work being extremely hard, and the pay extremely meager. No one on the crew at the time thought there was anything unusual about an all female crew, but the passengers (middle-aged or older) always made a HUGE deal about it. I was always asked if I was a feminist, crewing to make some sort of statement. Um, no. I just liked sailing. I remember an old lady saying to me, “That’s really hard work, so most women wouldn’t do it,” and thinking DANG, we have come a long way.
Raising kids who think for themselves, are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in, and are confident is the best thing you can do. For your daughter, although you may not have magazines and such at home, she will more then likely be exposed to them by her peers. Veronica came home one day in kindergarten and began reading the nutrition labels on everything so she could count her calories. A classmate, who had an older sister dieting, told Veronica she would get fat because there was a lot of calories in chocolate milk. Scott never had any issues like this, but he is a gentle, kind boy who one teacher called a “warm fuzzy”. At 8 its cute; at 13, not so much. I try to never buy trouble, but the truth is he may just always be a big softy-and that may be all it takes to make him a target.
I love how close your kids are to each other-I think it will only help them figure out who they are, and also how to relate to the opposite sex. I appreciate the difference in men and women, and yes-violence of all kind should stop. Rape, with the victim being either male or female, should be punished severely. You are spot on-ethnocentrism is a huge roadblock.
My 2c worth, is that in order to achieve anything we should be PRO it. For example, we should not have an anti-war demonstration, but rather a peace rally. Like Veronica says, the ‘Stop violence against women’ thing seems unfair. Why can’t we be PRO peace love and understanding. What you resist persists. Ask Nelson Mandela.
[...] war. The BBC has a new series, Libbers, starting tonight. And I found out about the BBC series via this excellent exploration of feminism today at a blog that’s new to me, Everydaystranger. She [...]
Excellent exploration of today’s issues around feminism. And thanks for the link to the BBC series, which I was unaware of. For me, it’s not (only) about equality, it’s about changing the basic underlying structures of how we all live.
And I think Ness’s point about being PRO something is absolutely spot on.
I’m a feminist…AND I have a Snoopy Slush Maker. And let me just say – that crank is a bitch to turn. It takes an hour and a half to fill a shot glass with snow.
The last couple of years have, for better or worse, brought out the angry feminist in me, because the combination of a woman running for president and actually having a fighting chance (and if one more person says, “Hillary is no woman,” I may introduce my feminist foot to their ass) and the various ballot initiatives aimed at
telling me what I can do with my uterusregulating reproductive rights is a bit like mixing baking soda and vinegar. At the same time, I believe that feminism means being able to choose to stay at home and cook and clean and raise the kids as well as being able to run the free world. The really penultimate goal of feminism, I suppose, is convincing the world that a woman can do both.This pin I saw once sums it up best: “Feminism – the radical notion that women are people.” A bit snarky, but certainly my favorite definition of the term.
Mary Schmich wrote an article for the Chicago Tribune which is full of brilliant advice; the article was used verbatim in Baz Luhrmann’s song, “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”. One line says, “Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.” 100% true.
That being said, I don’t see anything wrong with encouraging one’s daughter/son to look her/his best. Looks aren’t everything, but they do matter. Men have always and will always consider “looks” important (I think women do too but not necessarily to the same degree). While there are exceptions, it’s a simple, unchanging fact. I presume most women agree with this since most do something to enhance their beauty: lose weight, style hair, make-up, paint finger nails, clothes that compliment, perfume,…
But at the end of the day, looks really are only skin deep; and I’ll encourage Angel3 to look more at a girl’s/woman’s heart than her face. But if he finds 2 girls with hearts of gold, I imagine he’ll go for the prettier one. : )
God, I wish my brain had less mucus in it.
I need to read this again when I’m healthy.
The comments box is acting weird today. I read whatever you post – whenever you post it!
I’d also like to know the precentages on that last paragraph.
Something horrible happened in my feed reader and you were just GONE! So I’ve been waiting for one of my favorite bloggers to write, and there was nothing.
What happened? Did you change hosts and I missed an update?
Oh well, happy to have found you again.
I’m somewhat lucky as far as this topic goes, because I have developed a Stare of Death™. The SoD™ is employed whenever somebody makes a boneheaded comment— sexist joke, whatever.
I usually get apologies, without having to say a word of my own.
To me Feminism is about choice. Women and men should have the choice of how they want to live their lives. When I had my daughter here in the US I cried for a week when she turned 5 weeks. My husband asked why and my reply was that I didn’t want to leave her and go back to work. This would be when he asked why do you have to do that? It was a moment of clarity and thought. I had been molded my society that I had to be a working mom, that is just what you do. I didn’t want someone else raising my child. So I didn’t go back to work. Instead I went back to school when she was 11 months old and got a BAS degree. Then I started my own photography business. I am not a normal woman or mother for my area, I have found a way to be there for my children when they are little and be able to contribute to my family’s income. Yet I am still criticized for not having a “real” job. In the rural area we live in, a bedroom community for Orlando working really isn’t an option. All of my paycheck would go to childcare, which is incredibly crappy care at that. So why not just stay home. When my children are in school I will happily get a job (if my business isn’t what it needs to be) but at that time I will probably be judged for not being a stay at home mom. There really is no winning..
Shannon,
If I haven’t told you recently, I think that you’re fabulous. Really, really fabulous.
“Whenever women have insisted on absolute equality with men, they have invariably wound up with the dirty end of the stick. What they are and what they can do makes them superior to men, and their proper tactic is to demand special privileges, all the traffic will bear. They should never settle merely for equality. For women, “equality” is a disaster.”-Robert A. Heinlein
As a man who was raised by a ’60’s feminist and her musician/hippie husband I am sometimes bemused by the views of women on this topic. My wife says that she does not consider herself a feminist, yet she’ll get fired up quickly about things like equal pay and opportunity. She tells both of our girls that they can be anything they want to be (as do I!)
The problem with words like “feminist” or “feminism” is that they are labels. They’re an attempt to pigeonhole people. For this reason they will never fit everyone. How about we do away with the labels, and just let people be whatever they want to be.
For myself, I will continue to do all of that stuff that as a society we’ve tried to train our men to do, and I hope that both of my daughters expect the same treatment from whatever companions they choose that they saw me give them and their mother. I will open doors for women, I will give up my seat to them on the train, and I will generally let them go first.
And if a woman takes offense then I will tell her to go fuck herself.