The Details
We’ve told a few people (and our families) that we are getting married.
Because we are.
We have it booked up and everything.
Alastair and I have historically slightly differed on the wedding front – he wanted a great big bash with everyone piling into a hotel in a location somewhere for a weekend, all of our family, friends, and mates. I was more of the “let’s run away to an island and elope, just the two of us.” However, I accept that with four kids between us, it’s not really the done thing. And my father and stepmom would have been hurt to not be involved, as would Alastair’s folks and immediate family. And yet the big wedding do, it didn’t necessarily feel right and financially it wasn’t an option (hello, monthly nursery bills!)
We have arranged our day our way.
We are getting married in a simple, non-religious ceremony that will be attended to by family only. We then are all going out for what is called the wedding breakfast here (which is pretty fucking confusing, because actually we having a late lunch) in a restaurant that was built in the early 1400’s. The next day we are having a great big fuck off party at our house and inviting all of our family and friends. We leave 2 days after we are married for a very short honeymoon in Eastern Europe – we have a family and work to deal with, so none of this two weeks in the Caribbean business.
I love it.
We are aiming for simple. We are both divorced. We are not young. We’ve both had the big giant white wedding complete with limousines and bridesmaids and groomsmen and photographers and so on and so on. Neither of us want that, and neither of us wants the stress of it. We want the day to be fun and happy and about what’s important to us – family and laughter.
We’re getting married but diverging from some of the traditions – none of this confetti business, and there are no bridesmaids and groomsmen. I won’t be wearing white or ivory (in fact, my dress is a silver/grey – I’d show you but Alastair reads here, and while I am not traditional about this wedding stuff I do want that moment where he sees me and thinks: Garsh. She’s pretty.) It should come as no surprise to you (nor is it to Alastair) that I am not a virgin, and I am approaching this marriage with all of my years of experience behind me. When you wear white it’s to symbolize purity and innocence. I’ve had a rough old life, but it is wrapped about me like a thick shawl because it has made me who I am and has many layers that I cannot and will not forget, so important are they, even if it wasn’t always easy getting to where I am today.
I hadn’t thought about any of that hen night or photos or any of that business, but luckily I have the world’s biggest wedding fan on my side. She’s offered to make the wedding cake and as long as it doesn’t put her out I think I will take her up on it, because sweet mother of Jesus have you seen her skill? I hadn’t thought about any of these things she points out, I just think: I have a dress and things are booked up and the invites are out. The rest will come along. The stress levels, they are low, and it’s a good thing I have my buddy reminding me of things, and she does it in a way that makes me laugh (mostly because she is beyond excitable about anything wedding).
And people keep asking me, “Are you excited?”
And the short answer is: no.
It’s not excitement, it’s something else. It’s a feeling like this is what is supposed to happen, it’s how life is supposed to be. It feels more like a warm rosy color, a catharsis, an answer. I’m not excited, per se. It’s more that I’m exactly where I should be. My family is a family and I love it with all of my might, just like I love my partner who has become my partner, the man that I wanted and needed and have. I’m not excited – I’m part of something real, something whole, and I struggle to find ways to convey that I am happy without your monitor exploding with Pop-tart colored unicorns and fairy dust, so I’ll just leave it at that.
Oh, and you asked about the date? Right. We are getting married on
-S.
The entire post is wonderful. I feel your happiness and it makes me happy. The paragraph that begins “We’re getting married” really touched me because, to me, really wrapped up all you have been through to get to this happiness and contentment with your live.
Very happy for you and your whole family.
Ah, you are my long lost sister. My husband and I invited only our immediate families to our wedding which was held outside at Niagara Falls. It was a beautiful weekend and it was fun and stress-free. I wore dark blue! Then we spent 3 days at a cheesy Poconos couples resort.
So happy for you. I can’t wait to see the pictures!
Congratulations :) We ran away and got married in Sri Lanka. That was pre-motherhood but after 11 years of sin so not exactly virginal. :) Everyone asked why we suddenly wanted to get married after so long and we couldn’t explain it. It just felt right and like it was supposed to be. I get where you are coming from. I find your honesty very poignant. (I bet you are a little bit excited. Go on, go on, say you are!)
But can you live feed to the internet so we can all come?
Weddings make me cry. Happy wedding stories make me cry. You make me cry. Am crying now.
(Also, HFF’s cakes? TEH AWESOME!)
So wonderful!I love that you’re having the day you want not the one your “supposed” to have! I cant wait for the surprise post since your such a little shit and left the date out.
I hope it is perfect! Much love.
C
Way to leave us hanging. Bitch.
I had a white dress and bridesmaids and all that, and although everything was very low-key (and low cost) it was still perfect. As cheesy as it sounds it was perfect because all I wanted to do was marry Adam. I was never nervous, not even the day before the wedding when the cleaners took my dress 100 miles away in its van and forgot to deliver it to the church. I just didn’t fret it-I knew it would all work out. I just wanted to be married and then party like hell afterward-and that is just what we did.
I am so happy for you, and happy you guys are able to do it the way you want. You know I wish all the happiness in the world for you and your beautiful family.
And pictures-pictures would be nice too.
So what if this isn’t your first wedding? This is going to be your first MARRIAGE. Big difference. I know what you mean about not being excited but just being content. I felt the exact same way when I got married to the most wonderful man 9 years ago. Being with him and being married to him made me forget I was ever married to someone else once upon a time. It just seems like my whole life has been with him and not someone else and that feels right. All the best wishes for luck and happiness to you both and your wonderful little family.
I think your wedding plans are perfect, and more than that, I love how soothed and together you sound about it. It fits you, and so it should be.
And man, if HFF wants to make you a cake, don’t think twice! Those are amazing cakes!
Congrats and best wishes to you, Alastair, & the rest of the family. Did you leave the date off on purpose?
Mine & my wife’s wedding was too a simple affair. And, after an eight year relationship which was at times a part-time thing, punctuated by many ups and downs, a two-year period where we lived across the country from each other, and a short breakup period (sounding familiar?) the feeling with me too was not so much one of excitement, but one of taking the next logical step in our relationship and moving on with our life together.
Damn, was that all in one sentence?
Has anyone ever told you that you’re quite the asshole? : )
This was exactly how I felt about my wedding. It was low-key and quite and perfect. We had (maybe) fifteen people there and it was in my mother-in-law’s living room. My dress cost $99.00. My cake was over $400. So apparently I had my priorties straight. To this day, I have a picture of my wedding cake on my desk at work. I adore my husband still..and damn, that cake was good.
Congratulations – very much not a fan of paying vast sums to expensive wedding professionals – ours was a bit OTT but was our style and actually not to pricey – again with cake made by friends etc.
Perfect. And you deserve it.
HFF makes incredibly beautiful cakes! Of course, my favorite, the Shaun the Sheep one, might not be entirely appropriate for a wedding, but it might add a certain cachet…
We did the elopement thing – sunset wedding on a boat in Key West, FL. We could have invited some people, but opted to go alone.
Your plan sounds wonderful.
I am so happy for you! Congratulations! My guess is March 6th, am I right? :-) lol
I as so happy for you. Sending warm wishes for a beautiful day with many, many more to come. Mwah!
i hope your wedding day is as perfect as ours was :)
Sounds like the perfect plan to me. I’ve never married and the older I get the less fuss I want! Congratulations! I hope it exceeds all your expectations!
My partner and I are not married either. We’ve been engaged for 2 years and have a child between us. Were as good as married in the eyes of the gov’t. Part of me wants the white wedding and all that jazz the other doesn’t. I definately want my wedding dress and he being in the navy has quite the dress uniform Hot Damn! But i don’t want to deal with the stress that goes with is. Plus the MIL and I don’t get on well, so I’ve been avoiding it.
My partner and I are not married either. We’ve been engaged for 2 years and have a child between us. Were as good as married in the eyes of the gov’t. Part of me wants the white wedding and all that jazz the other doesn’t. I definately want my wedding dress and he being in the navy has quite the dress uniform Hot Damn! But i don’t want to deal with the stress that goes with is. Plus the MIL and I don’t get on well, so I’ve been avoiding it.
Eastern Europe, you say? Well if you’re headed near Croatia, hit me up for some insider’s tips. And/or places to avoid at all costs (”best view” café, for example).
Y’know, not posting a date and all makes sending wedding gifts difficult. Although so does your postal service, I suppose…I best get cracking on that.
Garsh, Shannon.. nice cliffhanger. Oh well, I suppose we’ll find out soon enough!
*bunny-in-the-headlights-panic-in-case-she-drops-the-bloody-thing*
Oh Gosh, I cried through that whole post. I’m such a big baby!
P.S Please don’t say that you aren’t young again. We’re the same age and I swear I don’t feel a day over 20. (ok 25.)
I wanted the whole fairy tale wedding and Matt gave it to me on a budget:-) I hope your day is everything you want it to be!
Lots of love to you!!
P.S. I was shocked to read that you are not virgin…..oh I feel the vapors coming:-p
~delurk~
Do we have permission to be excited for you guys?
:-D
~lurk probably back on~
We come, we read, for YEARS and we can’t know the date?!
It’s lovely to ’see’ you so happy Shannon, I’m so happy for you.
My boy and I were together for 10 years before we tied the knot – we had our ‘do’ in a village hall, it cost us 70 quid, bargain.
Abs x
Oh great post! Congrats! Can’t wait to see some pic’s of it. We will get to see one or two, RIGHT? HFF’s cakes look fabulous!! Even if she was to drop it I bet it would look like it was suppose to look like that haha!
The BF and I have been together nine years now and have raised three children (not his,my lame ex’s)together, still raising actually. We say someday we will get around to it. Your plans sound spot on, perfect in every way!
Congratulations for everything!
Congratulations!! I’m very happy for you both.
I must of understood something…I thought I had read that the two of you had broke up???? where did I get that? glad the two of you are still together….
You will let us know after the fact, won’t you?
I am so happy for all of you.
Sounds like a good plan!
The wedding sounds fabulous. Fabulous. I’ll be there in spirit toasting you till I’m drunk!
Oh, that sounds wonderful. I’m still so happy for you, it makes me smile to read.
YEAH! Can’t wait for pics!! And to have some idea of when it happened! So happy for you both….
Hugs,
Mindy in Tracy, CA
I pressed Ctrl A but the date did not appear.