Not Fitting In and Fitting In
I really, really want to thank those who emailed me with similar stories and encouragement about my temper-tantrum son. From the bottom of my exhausted heart, I thank you. And consider this me passing round the virtual tequila.
I travelled up to London on Tuesday night, in the dark nightshade of the train and its cover. A hotel room booked to stay over in on the way up to Manchester the next day. A ticket to a play that night – Moliere’s “The Misanthrope”, which (apart from “Tartuffe”) is one of my favorites of his, and I had a ticket to see Keira Knightly, Tara Fitzgerald, and Damien Lewis play in it.
It was unusual from the get-go, as I tend to be a theatre buff and can safely say that most London theatre goers are dressed in jeans. Not so this place – the air was as thick with pretension as it was with the atoms of newly dispensed champagne. There were more dead animals draped around the shoulders of bejeweled women than there were presumably naked animals wandering around without their pelts. There I was in jeans, Converse, and glasses. I brought the class strata level down substantially.
I was given a brilliant seat (second row, center) and so made myself at home. I was surrounded by Sloane-y fuckers. I kid you not – the four behind me (the men straight out of Eton, the women straight out of an Abercrombie and Fitch ad) discussed in a bored tone why they were there. One of them agreed to go along because, as she said, she’s “a Leo, and my horoscope this morning said to expand my horizons. Whatever, I bought a ticket and came.”
Ok then. It got worse when the four early twenty-somethings behind me described Tara Fitzgerald as “that old woman from ‘Waking the Dead’”. Tara Fitzgerald is only 7 years older than I am. It made me feel old and, well, slightly stabby.
The play was brilliantly done, and I have all kinds of respect for the actors and actresses. Keira Knightly is without question the skinniest woman I have ever clamped eyes on (she also has The World’s Longest Neck). Those photos where she looks like she has bypassed skinny and went straight to skeletal don’t lie – she is about the size of a pencil. She’s also gorgeous. She’s also – contrary to the privilegeds’ opinions around me – really terrible at an American accent. I would know, I have one.
Apart from that, I had a lovely evening. The play was really well done and I had a good time, even if I did feel like I brought the class level down with my presence. I suppose there’s always going to be something about me that feels inferior – I am educated, I am a hard-working manager in a very reputable company. I have some posh clothes (gifts) and some gorgeous jewelry (also gifts). I took stock while sitting there – was it about labels? Because on me I had Burberry, Longchamps, Mulberry, Blackberry, and Gap (and Converse, but the Jimmy Choos around me somewhat overrode those). Is it education, because I have a degree and am returning for a Master’s later this year? Is it because I didn’t grow up with money (because I didn’t)?
I wondered what differentiated me from those around me, and the answer came rather easily – maybe the truth is that no matter what, I feel awed and privileged to have the life I have. I feel lucky all the time, lucky to have my home, family, life, house, health (mostly!), ability to see a London play. I mean for fuck’s sake, 10 or even 20 years ago the idea that I would be seeing a play in London whenever I wanted to? Not even a remote possibility.
What makes me feel even luckier is what I sometimes see at plays, and something that I envy – older couples. Women in their late 50’s looking cool and put-together with husbands that adore them and bring them wine during intermission. I want to be one of those women, women whose hands have stories and whose homes have traditions. I want to enjoy plays with my husband and enjoy a glass of wine during intermission.
And it looks like I can have it, as Alastair has agreed to come with me to the theatre from time to time, and he always brings me a glass of wine.
As for that other part, well that’s also coming true.
I talked to my colleague about it while standing on the train platform today.
“That’s a big day,” he said, grinning.
“Yeah, it is,” I replied, smiling back.
The invitations went into the post yesterday.
-S.
I LOVE the invitations. Amazing.
And how cool is it that you are comfortable enough with yourself to NOT fit in? From one misfit to another — cheers!
My mortification, envy and sorrow at not being there are all battling for the upper hand!
I would have been exceedingly helpful in pulling that average down juuuuuust a little bit further. You would have felt distinctly superior sat by me: Boots are Jones the Bootmaker. Comfy, but definitely nothing special. My ubiquitous black, brown or olive cords are Sainsburys. Socks are Next. Knickers are M&S (just because.) Bras are all off-grey Mothercare nursing ones, despite not having needed the built-in facility for bloody ages. Tops are a bargain assortment of bog-standard high street. Currently not an owner of a fitting coat except my waxed jacket, and the zip’s broken on that. The handbags are admittedly nice, albeit I’ve had them all off eBay. I do have an vaguely expensive ring on my finger, but I imagine, from looking at the rest of me, people assume it’s a fake. In summary, you want to look your sartorial and elegant best? Come sit by me!
Those invites… I’m lost for words. They are probably the coolest thing I’ve seen, ever. You KNOW wedding fripperies send me into a state of quite demented cooing excitement: I think you should have put a warning up!
If that’s the
Those invitations are wonderful, but the guy on the desert island isn’t going to have a thing to wear!
I feel like I’m a terrible dresser. Not a lot of top labels in MN, and though I’d love to dress like Audrey Hepburn, I’m dealing with fluctuating curves. It’s hard to dress well when you aren’t ready to accept the body you have yet. Maybe when all this poking and prodding is done.
One more week before the beta – at least I can get out of bed today, though!
Love the invites and love the idea that a wedding is in the near future!
Oh how exciting – invites are in the post and fabulous one at that! That’s just wonderful news.
Bet you looked gorgeous no matter what you wear, and better than those around you. Glad you had a good night.
Been to manchester hey? My neck of the woods (nearly!), hope you had a good day.
Ok, those have to be THE COOLEST wedding invites EVER. And I have no doubt you were beautiful at the theater. My wife is not a big fan but will occasionally put up with going for my benefit. Just like I put up with baseball ALL SEASON LONG. I earn it I tell you.
Can’t wait for the big day for you.
Woot! Invitations in the mail!!
So excited for you!
I am so fucking excited.
Amazing invites! Utterly excited about the dress (and all the details you can spare!!).
Woooohooooooo! So happy for you. You getting married to Alastair is faboosh, and that’s all there is to it. In regard to wearing converse to formal events, you have my full support. Converse is class. And timeless. Audrey Hepburn always claimed that for any occasion, it is far better for one to the underdressed than overdressed. And I’ll bet that dame owned a closet full of converse ;)
I gotta say, the play is always more enjoyable when you’re comfortable rather than worrying about wrinkling, stretching, unzipping, or falling out of something. Give me jeans and converse ANY DAY.
And I’m guessing you looked, as always, fabulous dahling.
The invites are awesome.
I’m a little jealous of your being able to see plays in London. Maybe just because my tiny little backwards state very rarely does good shows.
I am so very pleased for you!
Even if I can’t come, I WANT one of those. Because they are brilliant.
Are those the invitation, in bottles? You are so creative! I can’t wait to see pictures of the big day – I’m so happy for you!
Definitely not worried about labels here – my labels are mostly Old Navy, Gap Outlet, Banana Republic Outlet, and Target. I just don’t see the point.
and the tantrums – we are right there with you. Both of mine do it. Callie does it regularly, almost daily – the sobbing, throwing herself on the floor, the works. Danny doesn’t have the full-on melt-down as often, but his favorite work is definitely “no!”, he throws his cups & plates & things, hits whatever is near. I definitely sympathize with how it makes you feel, I have never hit them but there have been moments where I can definitely see how easy it would be for someone to slip over that line. Hopefully it is a phase that will pass soon, and in the mean time we do pretty much the same as you are – time outs, handing them off to dad when I’ve had enough, stepping away and taking a deep breath. The hardest part is not caving in and rewarding the behaviour – knowing that the quickest way to make it stop would be to just give in and give them what they want certainly doesn’t make it any easier to stick to your guns.
I’m so happy for you Shannon, i hope you will be sharing more wedding bits and pieces!
Abs x
The invitations look very interesting, not going for the service on some remote island are we? I hope so, I could do with some vicarious excitement. Sun would be good too, I’m sick of shovelling snow now, would someone please turn the Gulf Stream back on?
Amazing invitations.
There’s only one thing worse than a dodgy American accent done by a British actor, and that’s a dodgy English accent done by an American actor.
You know who has a brilliant American accent is Damien Lewis. I saw him in “Band of Brothers” (best war movie/series ever!) and had no clue he wasn’t American until someone told me after I had seen him in 12+ hours of the mini-series. His American accent is a little unusual, but I meet tons of people with accents I can’t quite place.
Glad you enjoyed the evening. Sounds like it was a good one.
What Statia said. I’m in awe of your creativity and look forward to any other wedding planning tidbits you’re willing to share. Also? Converse and Gap for me too. Or Old Navy (I love the fit of the jeans I bought there).
Beautiful invitations— and fabulous pictures of them.
A message in a bottle. So cool!! I’m sure you will post photos of the big day? Please?
I’ve had the pleasure of seeing one play in London – Chicago. I too had a second row center seat. It was sooo wonderful. An experience I will never forget.
Again, congratulations! Seems like a fairy tale…
Those invitations are fabulous! I’m very impressed.
Congratulations again, Shannon. I’m thrilled for you and look forward to seeing pictures of you in all your finery.
Wow, dear Shannon. Great invitations — how cool are they? So when’s the date? At least -ish?
Those are the most awesome invitations I’ve ever seen! Very cool. :-) I’m so excited for you guys!
Fitting in is overrated.
Your invitations piss all over my text message to five friends to see me get hitched :)
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I’d love to hear some more details about your wedding plans.
what fantastic invitations! I wish you a wonderful celebration.