Everydaystranger

I had a job interview yesterday, and it’s a job I really, truly hope I get (so if you believe in the luck fairy, go sweet talk her for me?) I am otherwise operating by rote. Not a lot of what I’m doing makes sense and there are times when I find myself [...]

In the mornings you wake up, opening one eye and then the other. Before you face the clock the wall the window the pillow the day you step out into your head. You take a tentative step in one direction, and your brain shrieks back No no, geroff! Too tender, back the [...]

I am:
- A woman
- 35
- A mother
- A daughter
- A friend
- Thin
- Slightly dozy sometimes
- A Doctor Who fan
- Quiet
- Shattered in every sense
- Single
- Not going to discuss that last bullet, not now, not ever.
- Not going to allow anyone to say anything negative about Alastair, not now, not ever because I still love him.
- Going to be quiet still for a bit as we privately deal with [...]

I am reaching the point of Barely Functioning. I am a numb, exhausted, broken zombie. Random thoughts fly through my head at great speeds and I find they exit my mouth, too, often without thought for tact or acceptability. Randomness is not limited to my thoughts, either – I bought a tree [...]

Saturday morning the lack of food finally hit me and I passed out, hitting my head on the floor. I ate that day, only losing one meal. Last week I lost a total of 3 kg (6.6 pounds), and now I am eating little meals here and there. I’m doing much better [...]

Yesterday I trooped into London to spend some time with my Couch Man. I recognize that sounds naughty, but seeing as all of it was spent vertical and going through whole forests of Kleenex, it’s not like we got up to anything. Plus he’s in his 60’s. Plus that’s just weird. [...]

The myriad of the various factors exploding and imploding in my life has reached maximum capacity.
I am not doing well.
The good news is I’ve stopped disassociating.
The bad news is I’ve stopped disassociating.
I cannot eat. I start to eat and then go right off what I am trying to enjoy and I throw [...]

August, September, and now October are proving to be very, very hard. No matter which direction I look there are changes coming one way or another or another. I feel like I’m on the top of a hill and I have to choose which side to slide down, only there are so very [...]

I am going through a tough time.
I cannot talk about most of it.
On Saturday I spent most of the morning outside of myself. It was not due to the babies’ birthday, but the fact that it happened on their birthday made me hate myself, which made me stay further outside of me than I [...]

(The photos carry on a little bit after the song ends, but it is their favorite song and it had to be used.)
Happy birthday to my gorgeous darling Lemonheads.
-S.

Last night I baked posh fairy cakes (which don’t look so posh, but hell I tried).

Today the babies are dressed up for their last day in the baby room. As of Monday they turn left inside the nursery door, instead of right. As of Monday the twins are in the toddler room with [...]

Just a heads’ up-this one’s about children in a tough, if-you’re-going-through-treatment-you-may-want-to-give-this-one-a-miss kind of way.
A number of things have been occurring that send little thoughts scurrying into my head. Some of them I can talk about. Some I can’t. I’ll start from where I can.
The babies turn two in two days’ [...]