Six Years
Howdy.
This spot is designed to be the locale for my thoughts. An online journal, if it remotely interests anyone. Who am I and why do I think I have anything interesting to say? Well, let’s start with the simple introductions, since most people start off that way.
You can call me Helen, and I am an American living and working in Europe. Yes, I know-there are millions of us Yanks living and working abroad. This place is my journal, my way of finding out where home is, and what lies there once I get there.
I moved to Sweden nearly four years ago. I packed up my things (fitting in as many boxes of Cap’n Crunch as could be fit on the way) and moved my life to Stockholm, known as “Beauty on Water”. Much like Missouri is called “The Show-Me State” and Australia is called “The Land Down Under”. I do not name these things, nor do I know how they got said names. But the names thus far seem to fit (although I have to wonder-what are they going to show me in Missouri?) Let’s move on, yes?
How on earth did I get here, you may wonder. And it’s quite ok for you to wonder that, since I wonder about it too, everyday. And what am I still doing here? Well, I am still working for a nice Swedish company. I still live in my nice Swedish house, with my nice, er, German car, and will be here for a while. After all, jobs being what they are, it’s rather hard to move around (and a tad ungrateful, I must say).
I find that I travel a lot. More than a lot, but yet not enough to my liking. In the past five years, I have bounced around all over the world. And the more I travel, the less American I feel. It’s as though, for every mile I accrue with BA (you have to love British Airlines. At least the flight attendants on BA make it quite clear that they don’t like you up front, instead of being like the other airlines and simply lying to your face) I grow one more inch away from feeling comfortable in the US. Which I still travel to a lot for business. And every time I go to the US-other than frequent Starbucks, Benny’s Bagels, Nine West, the Gap, and stand in sobbing awe of the incredible and duly-missed cereal aisle of the grocery stores-I find that there are more steps that have made me less comfortable.
For instance-what happened to Must See TV? Now it’s more like Eh, Just See It If Nothing Else Is On. The newspapers-why do they mention so little of other events, that take place outside the US? Who are all these women on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, saying they are also Slayers? And why is it I can’t figure out where can I get a good curry?
I am not having a go at the US. Although I am a lost person, travelling the great big world, I am first and foremost an American. Even if saying it will get me beaten up in a pub. And it has done, as well.
A few comments about Sweden-yes, there are a lot of blond people here. No, they are not all named Sven and Inga. And I have yet to see a Swedish Bikini Team, unless you count the throngs of Swedes that bail and go to Greece during the summer. It is indeed VERY cold here in the winter, and the chocolate is good here (although many people get Sweden confused with Switzerland and ask about the chocolate. They make it in both places). Want to find Sweden on a map? Find England, and go to the right and up a bit. There you will find Scandanavia. We are situated in between Norway and Finland, and should you take away these two countries, you can see that Sweden looks uncomfortably like part of the male anatomy.
It is my intention to update this site as often as possible. Comments and suggestions are welcome.
-H
Six years ago today I was sat at my desk, which was several floors up in a brand new, sparkly, glass building. My desk overlooked the atrium. I wasn’t extremely busy. I had been responsible for massive projects, cutting-edge, share-price affecting, change-the-fucking-world kind of projects. Then in January 2003 I tried to kill myself. When I came back it was in roles with substantially less authority, as you do when you prove mildly unreliable.
I was bored that day. The office was empty. I remembered my stepfather had suggested I start blogging. Seemed like the thing to do, really. I went to blogger.com. I started a site. I had to think of a name, I wanted something to imply exactly what I am – someone that you would pass by and not even notice. Just a random stranger, someone who you stroll by on a street and you don’t even notice the draft left by my form. That kind of person.
And I started to write.
And something must have been worth reading, because 5 months after I started this site I lost my job, and 72 strangers came by to comment and offer support.
I’ve been writing ever since. The topography has changed – I now live in England. I am with Alastair. I have a dog named Gorby, a cat named Maggie, and a Mumin-shaped hole in my life. I have two of the most amazing creatures known to man in the form of my 20 month-old twins. I am still crazy.
I have no idea how many people visit this site everyday. It ebbs and flows. Of the people who started reading 6 years ago, I doubt many of them are still around. Blogging is fickle like that. I wonder how many people remember Plain Layne and miss her him. I wonder if, reading this place, you can see if I’m growing or not and if you’ve grown, too.
Six years ago today, I kicked it all off. I’m still here. I struggle sometimes – it was hard for me once I came out with our real names. We have had problems with my blogging, but Alastair is on the whole supportive of me blogging, to the extent that he even designed this site for me (and things are going better at home, thanks.) And it’s been hard knowing that my family reads here and gets angry and knives at dawn and all, but they were like that anyway. This is just something for them to use as target practice.
Six years. Long time, man. Let’s go double or nothing?
-S.
Congratulations! I have been reading your blog for awhile now–probably about a year but have never commented until now. Thanks for being brave enough to share anything and everything that’s going on in your life. I love your blog!
Been reading pretty much from the beginning. Rarely will you receive a comment from me, you receive plenty of those. Don’t like to repeat what’s already been said. But congrats on six years.
I’ve been reading almost from the start. I remember the horror of reading about your suicide attempt and how difficult it was for you. I remember the Layne debacle and loved your take on it. And I’ve witnessed a huge evolution in you and your life. Bumps along the way for sure, but overall, I hope – and it certainly seems – that you’re much happier now than you were back then. Congrats Helen/Shannon and thanks for opening your life and your heart to all of us.
Congratulations on 6 years of blogging.
Double! Treble!
I’ve been reading for almost four years, seen many ups and downs, highs and lows around these parts. No matter what though, you’ve remained honest and true to yourself…well, aside from the name thing, but as Shakespeare wrote, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, By any other name would smell just as sweet…”. So whether you are a rose or a tulip, a Helen or a Shannon, thank you for sharing your life with us during the last six years. Here’s to many more!
I didn’t start reading you from the beginning in real time, but found you later on the time-line and caught up with all your past archives to the point I was hooked and blown away all in one go. You are such an amazing writer and have the ability to put your thoughts and feelings on a page in such powerful and meaningful ways that I have to read each and every post – although I may not get here for a few days or comment every time. My heart has broken for you and soared with you. You give me reminders and hope that we can come through the darkness and find light – even if it is only a gray fog on some days. Please never stop. Happy Blogiversary, Shannon.
I’m glad to be one of your readers.
I’ve only been around since that time the conservative M linked to you.
You can decide if that was a good thing to come out of a bad link or not.
If I ever get across the pond, I hope we can meet.
Of the people who started reading 6 years ago, I doubt many of them are still around
Ahem. :-P
How about triple or nothing?
I found you through Em at I Don’t Think and have been around ever since, I’m pretty sure that was within the first year (you were just interviewing for Dream Job when I found you) Thank you for sharing the ride with me. I look forward to the next how many ever years. Best – Casey from Louisiana
I remember Plain Layne… and the gang that read her. Norton… Dirty Mushroom guy… Occasionally I google Odin to see if he’s still around or more importantly to see what not to read. I read “her” faithfully and I think that’s what got me really hooked on reading blogs. And I still check in on you… You are a great writer. I’m in for another round!