Mary Poppins?
A quandry.
The babies have been attending their nursery since March. It’s a nice nursery, a good nursery yes? Yes.
Will now be singing Fiddler On the Roof songs for the rest of the day.
Anyway. The nursery they attend is several villages away from where we live. It was the only nursery in the area we could get the babies into, it’s got “Outstanding” on the Ofsted ratings, and apart from the odd biting incidents, the babies seem to get on well there. It’s been a real learning curve, and it can get frustrating since most of the carers are quite young and not so experienced with babies, but in general the babies’ have really thrived there. Nora is a real favorite amongst the staff and when Nick goes down for his naps Nora – who is more of a nighttime snoozer than her brother – gets carted around and visits the older kids’ rooms.
The problem is that not only is this nursery quite a drive from the house, but it’s expensive. Shockingly, eye wateringly expensive. Even with a company discount and childcare vouchers, we are hit very hard by the cost of nursery fees. Luckily I chucked my entire bonus in a savings account last year, and despite the row that move caused, I’ve been glad for it – it’s helping fund the monthly childcare cost.
There is another nursery in the picture now. Closer to the house – on a nice day even within walking distance – we’ve been trying to get into it for ages. It got a “Good” rating from Ofsted, but it’s run by the county council and is not a for-profit nursery like the one the twins currently attend. What’s even more of a driver for us is the fact that the nursery bill will be slashed by
Wow. 950 Pound Sterling is the difference between the fees? I really do not want to know how much is the total…
It leaves me breathless.
Lily
And of course a nanny is not too posh for you. Never:-)
AS someone who has served as a nanny and a child care provider in my own home…I am going to advise you to just stick with the nursery. Having to rely solely on one person to care for your babies can be streddful. I am not sure how it works in England, but in the US, taxes are a pain. If she is sick, would you have a reliable “Plan B”? Feelings get hurt if/when certain expectations are not met…like paid leave, holiday bonuses and birthday gifts. I don’t know you well, but I gather that you like your privacy…and with a nanny in your home, you won’t have that. I know that chosing a caregiver for your sweet babies isn’t easy…good luck!
Hi
Been there done both – on both sides, drop me a line. My reaction is stick to plan A, move to the other nursery, but the biggest red flag is that the lovely nursery worker actually approached you with the suggestion. Am happy to chat more with you and give you my reasons why more discreetly.
you can never be too posh for a nanny but consider this, if you hired one you would lose your privacy particularly if you work from home – and yes the twins will be a huge distraction.
if it were me, i’d stick to your original plan …
you an never be too posh for a nanny but consider this – you would lose some privacy and the twin would be a huge distraction especially if you work from home.
if it were me, i would stick to the original plan
sorry about that – thought it didn’t publish my comment at first
I agree with Lily and dawn here. Stick to plan A. I was a aupaire when I was younger. Which led me into running my own daycare. It is hard, both of them. If money wasn’t a question and your new addition had a in-law that she could stay in and you had a back up in case she was sick, needs/wants a vacation etc…
I kind of wonder why she approached you too. It could be that she just simply would rather be an aupaire/nanny than work in a daycare center. I wish you well in your decision making. It is hard.
Wow, well daycare really costs a fortune doesn’t it!? Um I tend to agree with the suggestions already made, sticking with plan A. It does seem like in this situation you might be better served by keeping them in daycare.
On the subject of nannies and ‘poshness’ though, I wanted to say a few things. I have been working as a nanny for the past two years, first in Chicago (for a Russian family) and now over here in Hungary. Neither family was/is incredibly rich and both have fraternal twins, so the job is twice what it would be for one baby. That means if they go with daycare, costs through the roof as you know.
Anyway. In both cases the parents had/have other motivations for hiring someone in home to watch their kids. In Chicago they didn’t want to put the kids in daycare at such a young age…oh man once kids go to daycare the illnesses just start coming, ear infections too. At my current job I was especially qualified because they want the kids to learn English (from a native speaker) beginning when they’re babies. I live with the family and get room and board in addition to my pay. Not a large amount but my reasons for coming here were also many beyond simply taking this job.
The point I am trying to make here is simply that in certain situations having a nanny is achievable and makes sense regardless of income or ‘life put-togetherness’. Au pairs and nannies do the work they do for many reasons and I know some who use it as an opportunity to see new places and live abroad. I know my reasons are not single faceted.
I think day care has its place as well and I think Nick and Nora will not be any worse off for going at such a young age. I just wanted to give my thoughts on some of what you mentioned in your post. Good luck with this whole situation and decision making.
I would also stick to plan A. She would be to close to you and you would watch every move she’d make with the babies. Be sure that this would draft you away from work, which is the main idea behind giving babies to a nursery, being free to work.
And be sure, that in about a year and a half the babies might get bored with one person, they will be fascinated by elder kids and learn a lot from them.
I had a “Tagesmutter” for my little boy at the end of the eightees for a year, a woman who nursed some kids in her own home. That was nice for a while, but you never find a person who totally agrees with your concepts of education, food, philosophy etc.. So, I think it is better to chose a public institution, also because of control what’s going on there.
Paula
We had a nanny for about 6 mos. when my son was small. The only thing I can tell you is to draw up a contract and cover all those things you mentioned in your post (pregnancy, vacation, etc.) and try to find an alternate, so that when she is sick you are not left in the lurch.
hmmm…I would have to say that I enjoy my nanny. I work solely from home, minus one day a week going into the office. I have never felt like my privacy has been breached nor that I could not get my work done. It is like anything else in life. While the nanny is here I work..when the nanny is gone I..well I still work haha. It really is about how comfortable you feel about having a nanny. I got lucky and loved my first one. She has been here since my daughter was 3 months old. She is now one. If you go with the nanny idea…have a contract drawn up that says what vacation days she is allowed what to do if she is sick, how much she is getting paid, and other important information that way neither one of you will be confused.
Can’t imagine what you pay for nursery…wow!!
Also just to throw this in I Love your blog. I have been a loyal reader for almost 3 years now. I leave a post occasionally!!! Thanks for letting us into your life!
Stick with a nursery. Especially since you work at home, but even if you didn’t, as others said, I wouldn’t want to have to depend on one person for my child care. With a nursery, there’s always coverage when you need it. If you decide to go the nanny route, you’ll have to stick with it even if this particular nanny doesn’t work out. I doubt you’ll continue to get propositioned out of the blue by nannies and finding future replacements won’t be that easy.
At a center, they have their socialization and activities all in one safe environment. This woman would not only be in your home, she’d be taking off with your babies to babies and toddlers groups? With other nannies?
The decision isn’t so much nanny vs nursery as Harriet vs nursery. You don’t know her qualifications, work history or sickness record, if you wanted a nanny there might be others out there way better suited to you than she is. You look to have enough to worry about in your life just now without wondering whether she’ll be sick on the morning of the big meeting and leave you in the lurch. Nursery is the easier option, it’s always there and managed by someone else.
It’s also not in your living room when you fancy a quickie at lunchtime.
I have to say I have not regretted taking my daughter out of nursery and hiring a nanny instead. Nursery was great and was convenient when it was just the one but not when there were two. Also if I am honest I think my youngest does better with the nanny than his sister did at the same age at nursery. Oh and I am a cereal in front of Brothers & Sisters kind of girl.
Hiring a nanny is pretty easy. Most of the nanny agencies have draft contracts on their websites which are fine. You will need to deal with holiday pay, sick pay and maternity pay too if she gets pregnant. Tax is a bore if you do it yourself (I do) but there are plenty of companies who will do it for you for about
This is just my two cents…I’m a caregiver, or was until my current condition :). I’ve had several children that I adored leave my center and although I missed them, I had a duty to the other children in my care. I would never of just ran off to nanny a child. I fear that she may change her mind quickly again if another opportunity arrises and you’ll be stuck. I wonder where her loyalities lye. I would address this with her. Find out why she is so eager to leave her current job. Ask her everything that comes to mind. This is a hard choice to make because if she doesn’t work out, if she doesn’t like being a nanny (i’ve been one, sometimes it’s not easy :)) you’re going to be out of care for your little ones. I wish you the best. This can’t be an easy decision.
Ah, I was going to type what betty typed, but she’s already done it so I don’t have to.
http://Www.nannytax.co.uk will do all the taxes etc for you. And you can work through the ofsted registration, it’s a pain but it’s not too hard, and while she’s waiting to get registered, your childcare vouchers can just sit in your account waiting, then you use them all up once she’s got her registration number.
Penny Leach, my personal child care guru, says that children do better with a single stable primary caregiver for the first 2 years, after that they do better in social environments. So nanny it is, as far as I’m concerned.
Hope you can make it work.
Oh and btw I would not spend a lot of time interviewing nannies. If you know harriet, and trust her, then go with her – interviewing nannies is terribly hard and it’s very hard to know what you’re looking for at an interview. go with your gut.
If you choose the nearby daycare center and don’t like it, you could call the nanny and see if she’s still available. But if you choose the nanny, you lose the option to go to the nearby daycare center if you don’t like the nanny. You could even tell the “nanny” you’re going to try the nearby daycare center due to cost, but let her know you’d like to employ her if that doesn’t work out after a month or two.
I think the idea of a nanny (if she’s affordable and stable) is superior to a day care center. But I think I’d go with the day care center for assured stability. You never know if the nanny will get married (or divorced), have her own kids, go to college, or decide she just doesn’t want to nanny anymore. If anything caused her to leave, you’d be up the creek.
I did daycare out of my home for quite a few years, and worked for the county in daycare before that. There are advantages/disadvantages to both (not the quality of care, just cost, availability, stuff like that), but alas, that doesn’t help you one bit.
As far as her approaching you-I don’t see a problem with that. If she adores the twins and would like to care for them and them alone, that is wonderful. Then again, I know nothing about being a nanny or employing one.
I would suppose after she comes over and more details are discussed your decision will be clearer. Either one sounds brilliant, and the extra savings is in a word-wow.
I wish I could find me some wolves to care for the kids. Sounds more like my kind of people. ;)
That’s a tough call. I’d probably try the cheaper nursery first. If you decide later on that a private nanny is the way to go, you still have that option. And I’d wonder why Harriet was trying to poach clients rather than getting listed with an agency. I mean, I know she loves Nick and Nora but something about that makes me raise my eyebrow.
And holy crap, with the currency exchange, that price difference is almost $2000 per month for me. That’s more than our mortgage payment. Ouch. Can’t imagine what the total is if that’s just the difference in cost.
Daycare pros and cons
pro stability, set expectations, fees and no sick days, (they always have other employees), close to home
cons kids catch more colds etc, other kids issues (biting ex.)
Nanny pros and cons
pro, one on one, less illness, in home care, can install nannycam and watch all day
cons, no back up, paperwork, her expectations, vs your expectations, intrusion and distraction in home.
It really is 6 of one, a half dozen of another isn’t it?
You could always just stay home, (LOL running away now!)
no advice from me, but WOW 950 pounds a month is a HUGE difference. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
As a woman who loves babies, I can totally see why Harriet wants to stay with your kids if she has fallen in love with them half as much as your blog readers have. On the flip side, although most likely 100% innocent, it kind of creeps me out, too. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do it, but I would be very observant and that would probably make me wish that I had just moved to the new nursery. Either way, 950 a month is an incredible savings and definitely a good enough reason to move the babies. Babies are flexible and love anyone that loves them, they will be fine.
Nannying is not something I can speak on intelligently. But if you do your research, talk to her, check her background to make sure she isn’t an axe murderer, etc. then it may be worth your while, especially if it eases the strain on the finances. And you never know what kind of child care contacts she may have that could help you in the future. But, as others here have stated, keep in mind that it may cut into your privacy. If you look at all options with your eyes open, you won’t go wrong.
In theory I like the nanny idea, but I know SO MANY people who have had nannies they love quit for one reason or another, and then they are really screwed. If the nanny leaves and the twins end up back in nursery, it could be difficult because they won’t be used to the group environment anymore. I’m sure you will have a better idea after you speak with her more about it. I wish you luck, it’s a hard decision!
wolves for nannies is Extream Crunchy Granola!!!
and totally ‘EF-ING-ginormously’cool. haha.
Explore your options.
Wow, that’s really helpful, isn’t it?
I have a friend who does professional nannying and just from knowing her, I’d say that Harriet may want to get into nannying but used the nursery as a stepping-stone. Aside from that, I know nothing about the issue. I think the idea of “nanny plus backup” is a good bet, as is new nursery (what is it with the waiting lists? You’d think there’d be more daycares to fill the need is the wait times are that bad.)
As a former nanny who helped raise 7 kids including quads, I say get a nanny. Make sure you have a detailed contract, she will get holidays and sick days along with taxes taken out, ect… along with your expectations of her duties. I’d go with an agency tough. Have Harriet join one and let them to the leg work then request an interview with her. Also interview others to get an idea of her qualities.
Hi Helen, I’ve read your blog for a while now but not sure I’ve ever commented.
I have been a professional nanny for 4+ years now. It has been great. The only problem I have personally run into is parents putting their kids into a nursery and me being all of the sudden out of job, which is actually the opposite of what you’re worried about.
I just wanted to mention that nannying is becoming more and more common, and that none of the families I ever worked for where the kind of people that didn’t have to look high & low to find a rubber band sometimes. They were all just normal people.
Stick with the daycare. They don’t call in sick. They don’t require withholding and appropriate tax reporting. They don’t change their mind and realize they really didn’t want to be a nanny after all. And, the kids will get tons of socialization. Move to the nursery closer to your home – save the $$ for the teen years and college. You’ll be glad you did.
The house looks fab, by the way.
Hugs,
Mindy in Tracy, CA
I once nannied for a summer…though because I was a lowly teen, it was referred to as “mothers helper,” the difference being that the overbearing creature I was employed by used every opportunity to tell me what I was doing wrong (such as “not allowing him to explore his sensory capabilities via smashing peas into the wall” or “giving him a time-out for biting after only two warnings”). That, and being nanny-cammed.
Anyway.
I say go for the nursery. The more socialization with other tots, the better. Plus, babies have an uncanny ability while in the presence of nannies to realize “Hey, wait a minute. Mom’s in the house. I don’t need to pay attention to this wannabe. I need to scream as loudly as possible until Mom can’t ignore me!”
I once read that daycare is awfully stressful for little kids. When they are that young, they don’t need the noise, crowd and shared viruses! All of my friends who sent their kids to daycare ended up sick all winter because the children would pass on whatever they had caught to the parents (read http://brooklyngirl.typepad.com/brooklyngirl/ !)
I have a nanny and I am really happy about my choice. My son is very relaxed, gets one on one attention, is never sick. I used to work one day a week from home and it was bliss to see him. It all depends on you really, but this gives you the opportunity to watch them grow (and they change so much at this age!). And the back-up is not REALLY a deal breaker (you or Angus can be the back up, and you must have friends and/or family who might help). Of course, there is the associated cost, and my friends who use daycare spend twice less than I do…
One of our department nurses has two kids recently went the nanny route. Has been thrilled. Youngest was always sick and other problems. She was aware of the potential problems mentioned by many here. Decided nanny route worth the potentil downside.
My take from afar is N&N will do fine either way. Money difference seems hard to turn down.
about the “socialization”? how social are kids at that age? Honestly? :-) I keep having playdates and the kids are totally uninterested — all they want is the toy the other kid is playing with, and that’s it!
Enjoy your night out in London!