Just a Wee Bit More
Thank you very much for the nice comments on our last post. I promise I won’t talk about the babies all the time from here on, but here’s a bit more background.
We’re 14 weeks pregnant exactly today. Although our due date is Halloween there’s no way in hell we’ll actually make that date – singletons are usually born at 40 weeks, but twins almost never make it that far. Our doctor has told us to think of 37 weeks as the end date, which puts our babies arriving at some point the beginning of October. Don’t think I’m not dressing the infants up for Halloween. If the dog doesn’t escape my Halloween frenzy, two helpless babies don’t stand a chance.
We really have had a lot going on for us. I see I wasn’t as good at hiding things as I thought I was (based on the number of commenters who suspected something was up, anyway.) This is why I don’t play poker. I may as well label my forehead “Gee, you want my money? ‘Cause I have a crap hand!” when I play.
This whole getting pregnant business has been a particular roller coaster. My IVF cycle (which was called a shared cycle, in which I gave half of my eggs to another woman who has no eggs of her own, for whatever reason) was a terrible round. I had almost no eggs to work with, let alone to give away. Surprisingly, I wound up with having 2 embryos myself to work with. We haven’t found out if the other woman succeeded yet, and although we will at some point, we’re maybe not ready to know just yet.
To say that we were shocked that both embryos – which weren’t amazing quality – took is an understatement.
People will have different reactions of learning they’re having multiples. While for some (particularly those on the infertility treatment merry-go-round) the idea is heaven, for others the idea is a new version of hell. I’ve learnt that fathers riding the Having a Baby pony a second time around the track are particularly afraid of having twins or more, since they know what it’s like raising one baby. Couples tend to fall into either category – delight at “winning the baby lottery” or fear of the changes to come, and both reactions are normal and individual. You might not like it or agree with someone’s reaction, but learning you’re having twins is a huge deal that will have an emotional consequence.
I’ll be honest – we weren’t exactly over the moon when we found out it was twins. Cue Alexis Carrington-like sobbing and arguing scenes the day we found out (and that’s from both of us). While we were delighted that we were pregnant, the idea of twins scares the living fuck out of both of us. Our biggest concern was (and still is) finances. A single baby we could handle with no problem financially, but now with two babies we’re facing day care bills of anywhere from
Agreed wholeheartedly–but I have to meet this kid.
It’s going to be ok. You simply adjust your lifestyle to your means and your now-empty wallet. :)
And, good idea about having a buffer week. You’ll want to stay in the Hospital and get as much rest in as you can before you go home. Limit visitors until you’re back home and let the nurses do as much for you as they can. It will help you get your strength back. That, and keep taking your prenatal’s and maybe an Iron suppliment as well. That helped me quite a lot.
Helen, great news! I’m glad Lemonhead’s OK. Have you seen the ‘Shape of a Mother’ project? When I saw your belly pictures it reminded me of that, and thought maybe you’d like it. Oh goodness, this is sounding like one of those comment spams, but I promise it’s not. I’m not affiliated with them at all, I just thought you’d enjoy the site. It’s http://theshapeofamother.com . I’m glad your IVF was successful!
If any of us waited until we could actually AFFORD kids, well… let’s just say there would be a lot fewer kids.
I am so happy for you… I can’t begin to tell you. All love going out for a safe and healthy pregnancy and two children who are going to get more love than human beings are usually allowed. I’m so tickled that the older kids are being so accepting and loving. You and Angus are doing things “just right” in getting them involved and discussing it all with them. See? You are already great parents. You just need some more little ones to “practice” on…. blessings on you all.
Theeese are daaays
to remember
Never before and never since
You know it’s true – that you
are blessed and lucky
You know that you
are touched by something
I’m singing to you now in my best Natalie Merchant/10,000 maniacs voice. Hee Hee
Again Congratulations!
Congrats! I’m so happy to hear this news. You, Angus, and your impending family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Myles
A little terror is good in parenthood, I think.
And you have two October dates to choose from: October 2nd (my daughter’s b-day) or October 14th (my son’s b-day). Those are your orders-carry on.
;)
I’d be worried about your mental frame of mind if you weren’t scared shitless, lol.
Thank god they have his hands. You get the hand herpes.
“facing day care bills of anywhere from
Meanie-I’m going back to work. We cannot afford for me not to. I’m planning on them being in day care for 3-4 days a week, which I think makes me a terribly lucky person, actually. I will miss them but I will be a constant part of their lives. Having children in day care does not necessarily make someone a bad parent, just as being a stay at home mom does not necesarily make someone a good one.
With children, we all have choices to make. I’m sure this is not the first of the criticism I will receive.
But it’s not negotiable. We want our kids to have a good life and good experiences, and we feel that me working will provide this.
I had a little chuckle while reading about the panic you felt(feel) over the double blessing headed your way. A guy I worked with for a few years, he and his wife started off with twins. When the first two reached the age of two, the parents decided that they wanted three children. I guess that they should have been more specific in their prayers and said “three total”, because they then had triplets. Two pregnancies yielded an entire basketball team. And no fertilization drugs were used.
Take care of yourself and the little ones with you. And don’t punch Angus when the labor pains hit.
I think this may be the single happiest post you’ve written yet. Perhaps second only to the one you wrote after bringing home the Second Cutest Dog Ever In The World (TM). Maybe.
It’s lovely to see your smile come out in your words!
I promise I won’t talk about the babies all the time from here on,
Oh please! I’ll be so disappointed if you don’t talk about the babies! Especially since I’m trying like mad not to obsess over my own two both getting married within a year and they both plan on starting their families right away. W00t!
I NEED the VICARIOUS blow-by-blow from you, Helen! ;-P Get me all prepared. Heh.
Love the pictures! Looking forward to more!
I can see your smile and hear the wonder in your voice. Being scared and feeling adrift is a part of parenting. Trust me.
And guess what? The tables are turned. Since I had the Worlds Worst Third Trimester
Did I tell you my daughter has twins? They are wonderful, and yes, they are more work at first, but then they entertain each other, so it gets easier as time rolls on. Love seeing the pics, and look forward to seeing you with a huge belly!!
ongrats once again – and feel free to talk about them every day. It doesn’t bother me!
Meanie-I’m going back to work. We cannot afford for me not to.
I hope this doesn’t get me banned…again :) If you change your mind you’ll be able to afford to stay home. You may have to get a more affordable house and drive older cars, but it’s doable.
I’ve been in the business world for 19 years and have seen many women change their mind after giving birth. Some planned to stay home, but they missed work and/or the baby drove them crazy; and some planned to keep working but then decided they missed their baby too much. I like the fact that women get 12 weeks off in America (not sure what it is in England), so all the dust can settle before they HAVE to make that decision. Some times you just don’t know until the time comes.
I truly am very happy for you and hope this comes across as kindly as it’s intended.
Helen–Nice calm response to Meanie. I don’t know what it is that makes people feel they know what is right for everyone.
You and Angus will together make the decisions that work for everyone–parents, siblings, and those Lovable Lemonheads!
I’m still smiling for you.
I have to say, only “Yay!”
Sophiesophie,
Is it really bad to express a differing view? Is anything but support wrong? Helen is a smart person, but that doesn’t mean she’s considered every baby rearing angle there is. Meanie simply encouraged her to consider staying home, and I merely assured her she and Angus could get by if she chose to do so.
One way I like to figure out the right path is to figure out what I’d do if I was independently wealthy. Would I want the super-model Mrs. Solomon to stay home with our baby if money was no object? If the answer is ‘yes’, then I should try to figure out a way to make it happen even if we have to sacrifice; if the answer is ‘no’, I shouldn’t.
Helen, if you’d rather I not post opposing views periodically, just let me know.
But that’s just it-we don’t want to move. Our cars are already affordable (one’s paid for, one’s a company car). We are not going to move to a two bedroom house and make both Angus’ kids sleep on a sofa couch when they visit (imagine how that would make them feel), as we would have to do in order to live in an affordable house in this part of the country. We have to be located in the South of England, which is also sadly the most expensive part of the country, because we have to be close to London for work, we have to be by Heathrow for Angus’ kids, and it’s more important than ever to be near Angus’ family. We want this home and room for all.
My finances and our decision for me to go back to work isn’t up for debate. There is no right or wrong here. This is only what is right for each couple. It might be right for some to stay home, and I support that. It might be right for some to go back to work, and I support that, too. For me, it’s right to go back to work.
I don’t mind differing views. I do mind if people patronize Sophie though, because she’s an extremely nice person, and I don’t want her offended.
I do resent the idea that “someone else is raising my kids”. Someone else will watch my kids for 6 hours a day, hopefully for 3-4 days a week only. That is all. I am their mother. Angus is their father. We raise these kids.
And I’m dead firm on that.
Damn. I hate that damn triple screen or quad screen or whatever it is that shows the down’s risk. Several of the moms-to-be I’ve known have taken that, got the possible downs news, freaked OUT, had the ultrasound which could show it was an issue, and then found out the babies were fine. Admittedly, I’ve known ONE woman for whom the positive was really positive, but many, many more for whom it wasn’t. I really don’t know if the stress you go through because of it is worth it.
I am so happy for you. May GOD be close to you and keep you and the babies safe. You will be in my prayers daily…Oh what will they be for Halloween??? You got time to make their costumes..
*sigh*
I’m still gloating.
And I’m not even the one who is experiencing the joy of pregnancy!!
I am so happy for you!!
Oh, this is such wonderful, happy, exciting, scary news, Helen!!! Don’t you dare stop blogging all the details, all the time. ;)
My dear Helen.
Your flicker picture breaks my heart. I have absolute confidence in your (& Angus) ability to think things thru in regards to how to raise your family.
While people’s opinions may vary, and no they do not have to agree with the path you choose, nor should everyone follow the same path, it does not give anyone the right to put judgement on what you decide. The fact that after so many “bad” things have happened to you, and so many failed cycles that someone would come on and belittle your decision to return to work after you have the lemonheads, it’s just completely thoughtless and down right rude.
Have your opinion, and kindly state them, but then let that be it. Don’t keep coming back and reiterating that your opinion is the “right way”, obviously it’s not for everyone. My sister’n law thought she’d dread returning to work after her baby, but it was actually a welcomed “break”. Yet, another friend thought she’d want to go back to work after having her baby, but decide she would rather stay home. No one can make that decision for you, and no one else should. Stranger or family.
I’m sorry peoples judgements are swimming in your head, bringing you down when you should be enjoying the success of your treatment and the joy of having your own family growing. My thoughts are with you and the lemonheads.
***on another topic, I still have that package ready… I’m sorry I haven’t sent it over, but now that I know the lemonheads are here I have to add a couple things. I swear I will send it soon. Maybe it will arrive at the perfect time :-)
I am so happy for you and Angus. I know your fears wholeheartedly. Infact, my son, born after 11 years of infertility just turned a year old. As much as I would love to be a stay at home mom, it’s just not feasible for us and we don’t have car payments either. I’d actually prefer to live in a nice area of town too. Just my preference. :)
He is in daycare and he loves it. He never cries when I drop him off and when I come to pick him up, he’s ready to go.
Anyways, I’m going off on a tangent. I just wanted to say how happy I am for you. Try not to be too paranoid during your pregnancy. I was so scared that I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy at all. I know it’s easier said than done, but my that’s my assvice for what it’s worth.
Oh yeah, and take the nasal aspirator from the hospital, it’s the best one to suck the snot out. Way better than any of the ones you can buy. :)
Dear Angela,
I heart you.
xxx
M in the P
Hey Helen, is “Mortimer” in the cards? Cos I really liked that name for Gorby but for Thing 1 or Thing 2, it would also be nice. Also, “Chlamydia” is really pretty if you can get past the whole STD thing. It’s a pretty word. Chlamydia. And no one else would have that name in school. Individuality and melodic name! How much better could it get? “These are the twins, Mortimer and Chlamydia.” I mean, that’s just aces right there. :-)
(I think this is why I’m not allowed to name things.)
Helen is a smart person, but that doesn’t mean she’s considered every baby rearing angle there is. Meanie simply encouraged her to consider staying home, and I merely assured her she and Angus could get by if she chose to do so.
Okay, look.
We are *commenters*. Helen is letting us peek a little TINY BIT into her life. That’s it! It’s ludicrous to assume that Helen and Angus haven’t heard of the concept of one parent staying home before. Like Christians who seem to think maybe someone isn’t a Christian because they “haven’t heard the word” yet. OH BS. Anyone who can write a well-written blog like this one has obviously heard of Jesus AND the day care issue AND is well-read on most issues.
Also, although Helen and Angus *might* listen to advice from friends/family in person why in the WORLD would they listen to people they know only from the internet? Especially advice from someone who won’t even stand behind their own convictions by identifying themselves?
This is the kind of thing that makes bloggers TIRED. I know, I’ve stopped blogging a couple of times now. Not so much from advice givers, but just the IDEA some commenters get that just because they read your blog they know alll about you.
That attitude is just annoying as fuck. So stop it. They know their options and it’s really nobody else’s business anyway.
The appropriate response to the news someone is expecting is, “Congratulations!” “We wish you great happiness and joy”…etc.
Congratulations again! I work, full time – 55-60 hours a week. My son stays in the care of a wonderful woman who gets to be his surrogate “mom” while I’m away. But, I can assure you, it is me he wants when he scrapes his knee. It is me he wants when he is sleepy. It is me he calls his best friend. He never asks for his daycare, he never prefers to go there.
No one else is raising my child, he just gets the benefit of someone else’s knowledge during the day, and he gets me the rest. And he knows that that is the deal and he is ok with it – even at 4. Plus, my working means food on the table – that is always a plus.
You and Angus will do a fine job, I am quite positive. What a blessing you will have – do have! I am so happy for you both!
I’m honored that the Lemonheads name stuck, and that you’ve outed yourself for the glorious Helen you are.
Hey Stranger, congratulations. I just reacquainted myself with your blog. I haven’t visited in quite awhile. I started reading again recently. This baby news is a big deal. I had commented maybe a year, year and a half ago about your need for a youngling, during a series of posts where you seemed to be freaking out about the bio clock and your qualifications to parent a child. I said that my wife and I where baron, fertility speaking. We adopted 3 children when I was 37 and she was 42. We have since adopted 4 more and I am 46 and she is 51 the children are 1, 2, 4, 5, 10, 11 and 13. My point being I suggested to you before that you dive in head first torpedoes be damned. Life is short. Twins wow. Tip #1. Set up a small fan by the changing table for fresh air exchange. Twins wow. I have 2 still crapping in they’re pants. It’s a real treat.You should be fine.
I am so late to the party. Yay! Babies.
I am REALLY late to the party but congratulations, mazeltov and WOOT times two. Have you considered a nanny at home while they are little? At that price point it could be cheaper and easier for all of you than packing two diaper bags, lugging the double stroller, etc, every work day. Then daycare later when it is easier?