Everydaystranger

This is the single hardest thing I’ve ever been through in my life so far.
I am not coping so well.
You may think I am so tough and so strong, but I’m really not.
I just can’t figure out how to say goodbye.
My therapist has even offered an “emergency” phone session tonight, but I don’t think I [...]

I’m going to be away from blogging for a little bit-both from reading others and from writing on my own.
Surprisingly, I don’t feel like talking right now, I just feel like caving inwards and being in the silence of myself and Angus, who has been an incredible rock and my support.
I’ve just miscarried our baby.
Please [...]

Blogging is, occasionally, completely exhausting.
Not just when I got the blitz of hate mail from that whole brouhaha, no, that was a whole seperate version of hell. That episode made me feel decidedly exposed, and I’ve had a hard time writing anything since I got back from holiday after that.
No, blogging can sometimes be [...]

Some days you wake up in a sweat, the chasing of Kafka just behind you, the sweat scattered across the sheets and the truth that your subconscious knows you so well, well enough to try to rob you of your hope inside of your dreams is a little too much to bear so early in [...]

Living in the countryside takes some getting used to (and even then, by “countryside” I mean a 20-minute drive to a city or a 45-minute train ride into London). I did live on a farm many years ago, but the memories have faded and melt into a run of dried mud grooves, dark brown [...]

Sometimes it strikes me how much things feel. I’ll be sitting somewhere and a sound, a smell, a sight will hit me at a speed of 1,000 freight trains with 1,000 cars. I don’t always know what to do with these emotions either-part of the work with my Couch Man is that I [...]

Oh fuck.
These are the first words I think as I turn on my laptop and find that things are not working according to plan.
Sitting next to my laptop is the memory I had to order for the creaking, 5 year-old much abused laptop I carry around. I’d order a new one, but my success [...]

So I know it’s August 18, and it’s still bright and sunny, mostly warm-ish, all that jazz.
But….um…am I the only one looking forward to the Fall and Winter?
Seriously. I know I should appreciate what I have right now, and I have indeed enjoyed the heat wave that I’ll remember as Summer 2006 (aka, Oh [...]

When I was a little girl I used to read those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books from time to time. Do you remember those? You started a story off-invariably some kind of action book about pirates/haunted houses/alien invasions with a plot involving danger (on the high seas/in the conservatory/with alien number 9)-and you’d [...]

The interview Friday night is done.
Rob at CrabApple Lane has been kind enough to have a link to it.
You can listen to it here (right click, save as, yes?).
You’re a star, Rob. Thanks.
See you Thursday, at which point the normalcy will be back in place on this blog.
Oh yes. It will.
-H.
PS-Yeah, he had [...]

Right.
Jesus Fuck I hope that’s all over now.
The post I wrote yesterday morning, before any real details were known about the terror plot, was the first “political” post I’ve allowed on this site, mostly because I honestly feel politics are best aired on a one-to-one basis, not on the internet. With a link from [...]

We awoke this morning with a nice cuddle and a usual morning-one of us walked the dog, while the other made coffee. I let Mumin out and we played with Gorby. Then we did our usual-Angus started surfing on the downstairs PC while I made myself comfortable on the couch, finishing my book.
But [...]

When we were in Santorini waiting for a ferry to Crete, I looked around and noticed many young couples around us. I weighed it all up in my head and realized if a=June and b=young couples then a+b=sex central, aka honeymoons. One couple in particular caught my attention.
While Angus-carrying our passports and our [...]

Right.
The study is done.
OK, well, technically it’s nearly done, as the cabinet hasn’t yet been scrubbed within an inch of its life, it’s really only been scrubbed twice, and as my grannie used to say: Twice is not within an inch of its life! (She didn’t really say that, it just seems like the kind [...]

Dear Sparks,
You mentioned the other night that sometimes you take me for granted and you try to be conscious of that. You told me that you think of me in the quiet spaces of the day that I am not physically near, and when you do, you smile. You say things to me [...]

31 August 2006
Thursday
So I’ve had what’s called a complete miscarriage-that means no medical intervention needed, the body is taking care of itself. I’m still bleeding and will continue for about another week, then all should be ok. The good news is I get to wear tampons now.
The bad news is I’m no longer [...]

The study is nearly finished. This is good, as while I can take change ok, utter-fucking-turmoil is something I struggle a bit with. The walls are painted (Mr. Do You Want This Done Right? is asking when I’m going to paint the ceiling. I LOVE you baby, but I’ve painted the ceilings [...]